The Courted App Debate: Understanding the Pay-Before-Date Controversy

Understanding the Courted App Concept

Courted introduces a novel approach to online dating by requiring male users to provide a financial deposit before arranging a first date. This "date deposit" is intended to reimburse women for the costs associated with preparing for dates: salon appointments, beauty treatments, clothing, and other related expenses.

The app was created by Amanda Mitchelle, who positioned it as a solution to widespread issues in modern dating apps: chronic ghosting, low-effort interactions, and the asymmetric investment that women make in preparing for dates that may never materialize.

The Core Premise

• Financial accountability: Men who pay deposits are demonstrably more committed to following through
• Compensating preparation costs: Women receive reimbursement for date-related expenses
• Filtering mechanism: The deposit requirement acts as a barrier to casual or insincere matches
• Value recognition: Acknowledges that women's time and preparation have tangible worth

From the creator's perspective, Courted addresses a legitimate pain point: the disconnect between the effort women invest in dating and the high rate of men who fail to follow through on planned dates.

The Arguments Supporting Courted

Before examining criticisms, it's important to understand why this concept resonates with some users. The supporters raise valid concerns about current dating dynamics.

1. The Hidden Costs Women Face

Women typically invest significantly more in date preparation than men. Professional hair styling can cost $50-150, manicures $40-70, makeup products $30-100, and new outfits $75-250. For a single date, a woman might spend $200-500 on preparation – an investment that becomes problematic when dates are frequently cancelled or men don't show up.

2. Filtering for Serious Intent

Dating apps suffer from what behavioral economists call "low commitment costs." It costs nothing to swipe right, match with dozens of people, or make plans you don't intend to keep. By introducing a financial barrier, Courted theoretically filters for users with genuine interest in meeting.

3. Addressing Asymmetric Investment

In traditional dating app dynamics, women often invest more upfront (preparation, time, emotional labor) while men maintain optionality by chatting with multiple matches simultaneously. Courted attempts to rebalance this dynamic by requiring men to demonstrate commitment earlier in the process.

4. Voluntary Participation

Supporters emphasize that Courted is entirely optional. Users who find the model unappealing can simply use other platforms. For those who value this filtering mechanism, it provides a distinct alternative to traditional apps.

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The Criticisms and Concerns

While the app addresses real problems, critics raise substantial concerns about its approach and implications.

1. Fundamentally Transactional Nature

The primary criticism is that Courted commodifies dating interactions. Rather than building connections based on mutual interest, the model introduces a financial transaction as the foundation of the relationship. Critics argue this fundamentally changes the nature of dating from social interaction to economic exchange.

Bestselling author Carol Roth and numerous social commentators have pointed out that this structure mirrors arrangements traditionally considered outside the realm of conventional dating, raising ethical questions about the boundary between dating and transactional relationships.

2. Reinforcement of Traditional Gender Roles

Courted explicitly positions men as financial providers and women as recipients of compensation. This contradicts decades of progress toward gender equality in dating and relationships. Many women, particularly those who value independence and equal partnership, find this dynamic regressive.

3. Fraud and Abuse Potential

The model creates significant opportunities for exploitation. Women could theoretically accept deposits with no genuine intention of giving dates a fair chance, treating the app as income generation rather than genuine dating. Conversely, men might use payment as leverage to demand women's time or attention.

4. Selection Bias Issues

The deposit requirement may not filter for "serious" daters so much as select for specific personality types and economic situations. Men willing to pay upfront might be desperate, inexperienced, or have limited options. Women joining might prioritize financial compensation over genuine connection. This creates a problematic user base where motivations are misaligned with healthy relationship formation.

What This Reveals About Modern Dating

Regardless of your position on Courted, the app's existence and the subsequent debate reveal important truths about the current state of dating apps and culture.

The Problems Are Real

Courted wouldn't exist if dating apps were functioning well. The fact that someone created this model – and that it's generating serious interest – demonstrates how frustrated people are with:

• Chronic ghosting and flaking: Plans are made and broken with no accountability
• Low-effort interactions: Many users treat matches as entertainment rather than potential connections
• Asymmetric investment: One party often invests significantly more than the other
• Lack of seriousness: Apps encourage casual swiping over intentional connection-seeking

The Solution May Be Worse Than the Problem

However, addressing these legitimate problems with financial transactions likely creates more issues than it solves. Dating requires vulnerability, authenticity, and genuine connection – qualities that become difficult when money enters the equation from the start.

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Eden AI provides honest profile feedback and message coaching to help you build genuine connections – no deposits required.

Better Approaches to Dating App Problems

Rather than introducing financial transactions, what would actually improve dating app dynamics?

1. Accountability Mechanisms

Apps should track and penalize ghosting behavior. If someone consistently makes plans and cancels, their profile visibility should decrease. Bumble has experimented with this, but implementation needs to be stronger and more consistent across platforms.

2. Intentionality Prompts

Before matching, users could answer questions about their actual intentions: "Are you looking to meet within the next two weeks?" This sets expectations and filters for similar timelines without financial requirements.

3. Quality Over Quantity

Limiting daily swipes or matches (as Hinge originally did) encourages users to be more selective and intentional. When you can only like 10 profiles per day, you invest more thought into each one.

4. Better Communication Tools

Many people struggle not because they lack interest, but because they don't know how to communicate effectively. Tools that help users craft thoughtful messages, like Eden AI, can improve connection quality without changing the fundamental nature of dating.

5. Faster In-Person Transitions

Apps should encourage meeting within 7-10 days of matching. The longer conversations stay online, the higher the ghosting rate. Quick transitions to in-person meetings help maintain momentum and accountability.

Advice for Navigating Modern Dating

While the Courted debate continues, here's practical guidance for navigating dating apps successfully:

For Everyone:

• Set clear intentions: Be honest about what you're looking for and your timeline
• Respect others' time: If you're not genuinely interested, don't make plans
• Communicate cancellations: If you need to cancel, do so promptly with explanation
• Meet relatively quickly: Don't let conversations drag on for weeks before meeting

For Women Frustrated with Ghosting:

• Vet before investing: Have substantive conversations before spending money on preparation
• Keep first dates simple: Coffee or drinks don't require expensive preparation
• Confirm day-of: Send a quick message the day of the date to confirm plans
• Trust your instincts: If someone seems flaky in chat, they'll probably flake on the date

For Men Concerned About Wasting Women's Time:

• Only make plans you intend to keep: Don't suggest meeting up if you're uncertain
• Be selective about matches: Quality over quantity prevents overwhelming yourself
• Follow through: Your reliability builds your reputation and genuine connections
• Communicate clearly: If interest changes, be honest rather than ghosting

The Broader Cultural Question

Beyond Courted specifically, this debate raises a fundamental question: What should be the role of money in early dating?

Traditional dating norms had men paying for dates as a demonstration of provider capability and romantic interest. Modern dating has moved toward splitting costs or taking turns, reflecting gender equality values. Courted proposes yet another model: upfront payment before meetings even occur.

Most relationship experts agree that healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, shared values, and genuine attraction – not financial arrangements. While practical considerations matter in long-term partnerships, starting with transactional dynamics rarely leads to healthy outcomes.

Will Courted Succeed?

From a business perspective, Courted faces significant challenges:

• Limited market appeal: Most users will likely reject the premise outright
• Reputation concerns: Users may hesitate due to social stigma
• Fraud risk: The model is vulnerable to abuse from both sides
• Quality issues: Selection bias may create a user base with misaligned motivations

That said, niche dating apps can succeed with small but dedicated user bases. The real question isn't whether Courted will become mainstream (it almost certainly won't), but whether it serves its specific target audience effectively.

Smart dating strategy without the games

Eden AI provides honest profile feedback and message coaching to help you build genuine connections – no deposits required.

The Path Forward for Dating Apps

Rather than introducing financial transactions, the dating app industry needs to focus on:

• Stronger accountability systems: Penalizing bad behavior like chronic ghosting
• Intentionality features: Helping users find others with similar timelines and goals
• Communication support: Tools that help people express themselves authentically
• Quality over quantity: Design choices that encourage selectivity and intention
• Faster in-person transitions: Features that facilitate meeting sooner

These improvements would address the real problems Courted attempts to solve – without introducing the complications of financial transactions into early dating.

Final Analysis: What Courted Teaches Us

Courted is ultimately a symptom of broken dating app dynamics, not a solution. The app's existence highlights legitimate frustrations: ghosting is too common, many users lack seriousness, and investment is often asymmetric.

However, attempting to solve these social and behavioral problems with financial mechanisms misunderstands the nature of relationship formation. Healthy connections are built on mutual interest, respect, and genuine attraction – elements that can't be purchased or guaranteed through deposits.

The real path forward lies in better design, stronger accountability, and tools that help people communicate and connect more effectively – like Eden AI, which provides honest feedback and strategic guidance without fundamentally changing the nature of dating.

Dating will always involve some uncertainty and risk. The goal shouldn't be eliminating that through financial guarantees, but rather building systems and developing skills that help people navigate uncertainty more successfully.