February 21, 2026·11 min

First Message on Dating Apps: 30+ Openers That Actually Get Replies

You matched. Now what? The first message is where most guys blow it — sending "hey" or a generic compliment that gets lost in a sea of identical messages. Here are 30+ proven openers organized by situation, plus the psychology behind why they work.

Why Your First Message Matters More Than Your Profile

Your profile gets you the match. But the first message decides if you ever get a date. Our data from analyzing thousands of dating app interactions shows a clear pattern: personalized messages that reference something specific from their profile get significantly more responses than generic openers.

Nearly half of dating app users describe themselves as introverts. That means your match might not respond to a low-effort message — not because she's not interested, but because "hey" doesn't give her anything to work with.

The golden rule: Give her something to respond to. A question, a playful observation, or a creative comment that makes replying easy and fun.

The 5 Types of First Messages That Work

1. The Profile Observer

Reference something specific from their photos or bio. This shows you actually looked at their profile and instantly sets you apart from 90% of guys.

If she has travel photos:

"Okay, that photo from Barcelona looks like it has a story behind it. Solo trip or the kind where everything goes wrong but you wouldn't change a thing?"

If she mentions a hobby:

"I see you're into rock climbing. Real question: do you actually enjoy it or is it 80% fear and 20% pretending you're fine?"

If she has a dog in her photos:

"Your dog has more charisma than most people on this app. Is he accepting applications for a walking buddy?"

2. The Playful Question

Fun, low-pressure questions that are easy to answer and naturally lead to a conversation. These work especially well on Tinder where you might not have much profile information to reference.

The food debate:

"Important compatibility question: pineapple on pizza — bold culinary choice or a crime against Italy?"

The weekend test:

"It's Saturday, no plans, perfect weather. Are you the brunch type, the hiking type, or the 'still in bed at noon' type?"

The personality reveal:

"You can only listen to one album for the rest of the month. What are you picking?"

3. The Genuine Compliment

Not "you're beautiful" (she's heard it 500 times). Compliment something that shows personality — her style, her humor, her energy.

Complimenting vibe:

"Your profile has main character energy and I mean that as the highest compliment. What's the most recent plot twist in your story?"

Complimenting humor:

"Your bio actually made me laugh out loud and that happens maybe once every 200 profiles. Respect."

Complimenting taste:

"Anyone who puts The Office AND Succession in their bio clearly has range. I'm curious what the rest of your top 5 looks like."

Never run out of things to say?

Eden AI generates personalized openers based on their profile — plus conversation coaching to keep the chat going all the way to a date.

4. The Bold Opener

Confident, slightly forward messages that show personality. These work best when your profile already communicates that you're fun and social. Use with calibration — read the vibe of their profile first.

The honest one:

"I'm going to skip the part where we both pretend to be interesting strangers. What's something real about your week?"

The date pitch:

"I have a feeling we'd have a great conversation over coffee. I know a place that does the best cortado in the city — interested?"

The challenge:

"Your profile says you love trying new restaurants. I bet I can find one you haven't tried yet. What neighborhood are we working with?"

5. The Situational Message

Messages that feel timely and natural, referencing shared context like weather, a holiday, or something culturally relevant.

Sunday evening:

"Sunday night, deciding between starting a new show or actually being productive tomorrow. What would you recommend?"

Winter weather:

"This weather is giving 'stay inside with hot chocolate and a good movie' energy. What's your go-to comfort watch?"

App-Specific First Message Tips

Tinder

Tinder profiles often have minimal info. Focus on photos and any bio details. If the bio is empty, comment on something in their photos — a location, an activity, a vibe.

Empty bio strategy:

"I notice you kept the bio mysterious. I respect that. But now I'm curious — are you more of a spontaneous adventure person or a planned-to-the-minute type?"

Bumble

On Bumble, she messages first. Your job is to respond in a way that keeps the conversation going. Many women open with "hey" — your response needs to carry the energy.

When she opens with "hey":

"Hey! So I checked your profile and I have to ask — that photo with the sunset, was that planned or one of those perfect accident moments?"

Hinge

Hinge makes it easy — you can like and comment on specific photos or prompts. Always use this feature instead of just sending a like. Your comment appears directly under the content you referenced.

Responding to a Hinge prompt ("A life goal of mine"):

"Running a marathon is on my list too. But honestly I'm still at the 'running to catch the bus' stage. How far along are you?"

7 First Message Mistakes That Kill the Conversation

"Hey" / "Hi" / "What's up": Zero personality. She has 50 of these in her inbox already. You need to stand out
"You're so beautiful": She knows. Every guy says this. Compliment something specific about her personality or interests instead
Overly long paragraphs: Your first message should be 1-3 sentences max. Save the essays for when you're actually in a conversation
Copy-pasted pickup lines: Women can spot these instantly. A simple personalized message beats a clever line that 500 other guys also sent
Starting with "sorry to bother you": This signals low confidence. You matched — she wants you to message her
Asking for her number immediately: Build rapport first. Jumping to the number exchange before a real conversation feels transactional
Double or triple texting: If she hasn't responded, give it time. Sending follow-up messages hours later looks desperate

What to Do After She Replies

The first message is just the start. Keeping the conversation going is where most matches die. Here are the principles that work:

Match her energy: If she sends a long response, respond with similar effort. If she's brief, keep yours concise too
Ask follow-up questions: Don't just react — dig deeper into what she shared. "Tell me more about that" is simple and effective
Share, then ask: The best conversations alternate between sharing something about yourself and asking about her
Suggest a date within 5-10 messages: Don't become a pen pal. Once you've built some rapport, suggest meeting up
Be specific about plans: "Want to grab coffee at Blue Bottle on Saturday around 3?" beats "We should hang out sometime"

Get Personalized Openers With AI

Sometimes you stare at a profile and just can't think of what to say. That's where an AI dating coach can help. Over 85% of AI-generated conversation suggestions pass the "would I actually send this?" test — because they're designed to sound natural, not robotic.

Eden AI analyzes profiles and generates personalized openers that match your communication style. It's like having a quick-thinking friend who always knows what to say — except it's available at 2 AM when you're actually swiping.